I am trying to be honest these days. Not that I was ever really dishonest.. I guess what I really mean is I am trying to honestly look at everything. How I feel, what needs to be done, what makes me happy, what makes me unhappy. Now I know that some people are always in touch with their feelings etc. For me, I tend to feel things about three days later. Something bad can happen and I seem to cope fabulously initially and then collapse later. Like three days later. Or maybe later than that. This can be an annoying problem because sometimes when I am feeling down, or depressed or fearful - its about something that happened three days ago. And I can't always remember what happened three days ago. So today I am trying to live in reality. Today's reality. Feeling all my feelings today. Accepting whatever is going on as it really is... today. I am not completely sure I like this. It's easier to accept yesterday because it has already happened and what can you do about it? I mean if I have to accept today on its own terms I might have to be honest about my feelings in the present moment. Oddly, nothing bad is going on today... but I have that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" kind of feeling. In fact I am not aware of any shoes that have dropped. A shoe might have dropped three days ago. But I can't remember. So why am I feeling this way? This is the kind of trouble I get into when I attempt to live in a present moment. If I can wait three days, it gives me perspective on whatever was going on and I can decide how I should feel then... Hmmm. I don't know how I feel about that.
I guess I will find out in a couple of days.