Friday, August 20, 2010

Waiting: Again

So here I am waiting again! Maybe today it will only be for a few hours or it could be for a few more weeks. In all honesty I HATE WAITING. I have learned to adapt to people not being on time. I have learned how to do other things, read, focus on other stuff when some big announcement is coming. But I think the hardest part of waiting is when you are at the last threshold -- when you know you have only one more hurdle to jump over. When there is only one more "T" to cross and "i" to dot. That to me is the absolute worst time. And it doesn't matter what you are waiting for. The cute guy to call you back. The last week before giving birth. The results of a medical test. It's when you know that your answer or the event is GOING to happen but you just don't know when. For me this is when the control madness takes over. I want to do ANYTHING to make the last few hours/seconds/days pass quickly. And of course time just SLOOOOOOWS down. Even when someone is talking to me - it's like their voice has even deepened and slowed. Everything is moving at a snail's pace.

And I am not a slow person. My whole life has been on fast forward -- except for these horrible times of waiting. I read fast, talk fast, make fast decisions, write fast, eat fast. Fast. Quick. Speedy. That's me. Let's go, go go!!! So I guess maybe this waiting business is something God does to me - to help me realize who really is in charge. And it's not me. I have absolutely NO CONTROL over anything except my emotional state at any given time. And I barely can control that. I can't control my husband, children, grandchildren, the traffic, cashiers, bureaucrats, the government. Nobody. No control. Sigh.

So here I am. I can control what I write about. So today it's about waiting. Maybe tomorrow it will be about discovery or having or being. But today my job in my tiny little universe is to WAIT. Thanks God. I will do my best. But I do have a little teeny tiny prayer. Please hurry up!

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